The Edge

A Life Lesson in Desperation

2009-12-03T19:46:00.002-05:00

Desperation is a funny thing. It drives us to do things that we wouldn’t normally do. I heard a story recently about a man arrested on Black Friday in Toys-R-Nuts because he cut in the electronics line and refused to move. Desperation comes in all forms, shapes, and at all times in life.

Desperation, it seems, has a unique way of making one reexamine their current state and opens us up to do things we wouldn’t normally do. But then again, Desperation isn’t normal…

It has been a while since I’ve felt the Spirit coursing through me regularly. It has caused me to lose my identity a bit. I find, at times, that I forget even how to communicate with my Creator. It had gotten to the point where I began thinking the following, “If Spirit doesn’t do something drastic, I may be stuck here a long time.” Have you ever thought that? I bet so. Crazy things start entering your head. Things like “Man, it would take a visit to the Great Beyond to pull me out of this.” Or “If I don’t get a face-to-face with the Creator, I don’t know if I can pull outta this.”

Crazy things that, in a time of desperation, make complete and utter sense.

So I begin to think like this, and slowly set into this mini-depression and really begin to crave some sort of “spiritual intervention”. Some time passes and I begin to take a look at my thought process and realize just how insane it is…I relook at my situation and decide to embrace the “KISS” mentality.

Keep
It
Simple
Stupid

:) I began to do the little things. Anything, really, to jumpstart life back into my spirit. Slowly and surely the Spirit-flow is beginning to course through me again. It’s nice. Is it perfect? No, but it’s nice.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and Hail Mary passes at the end of a football game rarely pay off. The two-minute offense works often via quick, short passes and superb pass-blocking – rather than a dramatic 55 yard touchdown pass. Why? Because a lot of little things can add up to a victory far more consistently than 1 dramatic play.

Occasionally, desperate plays and divine interventions show up and completely change the scope of reality…and they are fantastic (or so I hear). But mostly, it’s okay to go back to basics. It isn’t failure. It’s proactive.

So, Keep It Simple Stupid…and Fly Free.
- Shadraq

I'll be Naked

2009-02-04T09:12:00.008-05:00

John Mayer wrote a song in which he said, "I'll gladly go down in a flame, if a flame's what it takes to remember my name."

Albert Einstein once wrote, "To punish me for my contempt of authority, Fate has made me an authority myself."

I once walked to the mantra of the first, and couldn't wait for the fulfilment of the second. Now, I sit here 28 years old and think back on those two statements and shake my head at the path those simple phrases lead.

I might be known someday but I most definately don't want to be remembered because I had a sensational crash. Those who are remembered because of their beautiful burn-out upon reentry are a dime a dozen. And I can honestly say that if Fate's reward of contempt is to give authority, then I want no part of it. Why would I want to lead where I couldn't follow?

In 2005, a man I had entrusted my spiritual training to told me, "The way you follow is

the way others will follow you." That stopped me cold and I literally wanted no part of people following like I was. Rebellion is necessary when a revolution is needed - whether it be spiritual or physical. However, submission to authority is also necessary. Especially when you've chosen to place yourself under the wings of another.

I understand the heart of what Einstein was saying, but I cannot find the humor. I have been chosen to lead, but only because I live in the freedom of submission to the Light.

So I will gladly go down in a flame, but only if that's how I'm supposed to go down. I'll gladly look stupid, but only if I am supposed to look stupid.

But I will live free, because I am free. And I will set others free, because I have been chosen to do so. And the only thing that will do down in flames are the things that dare keep those given to me in fear.

So, color me naked, and fly free.

- Shadraq

Christmas Feelings

2008-10-09T13:44:00.001-04:00

If you want to read earlier posts on Christmas, click here. The post The Worst becomes especially relevant in light of the following post. Please read before continuing.

I know it's October. Let's just be aware of that right now.

My wife and I were at home yesterday (Wednesday) and all of a sudden I get this major "Christmas" feeling. Now, occasionally this happens to me and I don't think anything of it. But yesterday it was amazingly strong so I said something to my wife about it. She was feeling the same thing too.

As I pondered the all-out strength of this feeling I was having, I felt that there was some spiritual significance to it and inquired of what it was.

The Spirit responded by telling me to put on Christmas Music. This created a huge dilemma for me. I usually bash on my little sister all the time for such nonsense and running Christmas Music before Black Friday.

But I obeyed. I dug out Bing's White Christmas Album. Not the Soundtrack, but he has a CD called White Christmas. As we sat in our living room, letting Bing wash over us. I felt the Spirit tell me two things.

#2 - Christmas is a season where we are more cognizant of the Master being near us. The so called "Christmas Feelings" we get from time to time are at moments when the Spirit is near, just to be near. Hence the feeling of goodwill.

#1 - The Spirit told me that the reasons for the Christmas was to act on what he was bringing into our home, and so I couldn't bash on my sister anymore for her "early" celebration of Christmas.

So it's possible that the waves of Bing, Dean, Guy, and Perry will grace our home from time to time, whether it is "in season" or not.

Maybe I'm getting old, or maybe I'm just starting to catch on better...

Merry Christmas!

New Tricks in The MATRIX: Hacking the Matrix

2008-06-06T15:53:00.001-04:00

This is part 3 or an ongoing series. Click Here to read the others.

I was watching THE MATRIX recently. I love those movies. Every time, it seems, I see something new that deepens the Supernatural Realm to me. Such was the case this time.

I'll set the scene:
Near the end, Neo is running from the agents (right before he goes up into the apartments) and steals a cell phone from a guy on the street. He punches in a number and says, "Mr. Wizard, get me the hell out of here." He then runs and finds himself in a blind alley, with no way out. He says to his Operator, "Uh, help." The operator replies, "Door."

I've seen this movie 20+ times. It never fails to disappoint, but this time, as I watched that scene, I noticed something I'd never seen before. I skipped back a butm just to be sure. When Neo hits the blind alley before he calls out for help THERE IS NO DOOR.

None. Just a blind alley.

It is only after he calls out for help that the Operator is able to know Neo's need, and hack in a door for Neo to escape through.

I've noticed when I'm in my most desperate hour, I tend to get very spiritual. I call out to the Creator and tell him, "I need a little help here."

And then, suddenly, my whole circumstances changed. The big question is "Would things have changed if I hadn't asked?" The reality is, we'll never really know.

But there's something to being asked. Asking is a way of saying "I have a need, a desire - can you help me?"

Or, will you help me?

Here's the deal, and there's really no way of getting around it - when we hit blind alleys, there is ALWAYS a hack that The Operator can do. Always. Remember that sometimes a "way out" is hiding in a place you just saw as impenetrable.

And sometimes doors appear in brick walls...

- Shadraq

Childhood Demotions

2008-05-21T19:44:00.001-04:00

Being a "first child" about to have a second, I've noticed the following...

Most of you "non-firsters" won't be able to relate as much, but I'm sure, on some level, this will hit a memory or two.

I've noticed that, as a first child, your kid experience is basically a series of status demotions. Once you're out of the chute, right away you are deemed favorite child. After that, with the arrival of each additional sibling - your stock PLUMMETS.

If you're a first boy and Mommy has a girl, you are immediately demoted from Favorite Child to Favorite Son. Not too shabby. You aren't #1, but you're first in your particular gender group.

If, however, Mommy has a son - you immediately bypass Favorite Son and move right into My Special Boy.

If your parents have more than 3...you are slipped into that category of My Oldest.

And this is all assuming that your parents are kind, fair, and impartial. If they aren't - brother you might be wearing "hand-me-ups" and wearing hobo costumes for Halloween until you can drive.

Mine were of the "kind, fair, and impartial" variety, and I had 3 sisters - so I've never lost my status of Favorite Son.

I shudder to think of what the rest of you went through.

- Shadraq

New Blog

2008-05-15T09:12:00.001-04:00

There's a great new blog that has recently become reactive. It's called Stir The Water - thoughts from Jim Driscoll and friends. Check it out if you have some time. I HIGHLY recommend it.

- Shadraq

These Things Are Fun..

2008-05-06T19:19:00.000-04:00

More musings from Dr Seuss' One Fish Two Fish.

****
Did you ever
fly a kite
in bed?

Did you ever walk
with ten cats
on your head?

Did you ever milk
this kind of cow?
Well, we can do it.
We know how.

If you never did,
you should.
These things are fun
and fun is good
****

At first read - or possible 6th and 7th reads as well - this seems a wee bit absurd. It's easy to read One Fish Two Fish and write off most everything as cute-nonsense. It's my belief, as I read more and more Dr Seuss, that there is wealth to be found.

You know that fine line between genius and madness?

I've often wondered what it means to "become as a child." There was a time, when I was growing up, that I would play hide and seek in the baptistery, or ride trikes down the aisles of the Assembly of God church that I grew up in as a kid.

And many of you who know me, no this wasn't yesterday, this is an old story...

Then one day I woke up to find that I was too mature for such things. Church is a place where everyone knows their place. Church is where newbies and kids are smiled at and are told things like "Oh, you'll grow out of that."

Boredom, thy name is respectability.

The issue isn't that the Master is waiting for every man to realize that they are bored - they already know they are bored. The issue is one of respectability. Didn't a famous guy once say "unless you become as a child you will not see the Kingdom..."??? That's not a polite suggestion, that's a promise.

The next time you are worshiping and you see a little kid running around and hiding under pews, consider joining him. What better way to "become like a child" than to copy one. We must unlearn what we have learned if we are ever to be more than we are.

Bored.

If you always do what you always done, you'll always be what you've always been.

Want to see miracles? Be foolish. Wasn't Mikal barren because she was embarrassed at her husbands foolishness? Want to see an outbreak of the Spirit? Walk with ten cats on your head.

Fly a kite in bed.

If you never did,
you should.
These things are fun
and fun is good.

- Shadraq

* More of my posts on Dr Seuss. -->

Edge Polls

2008-04-28T23:08:00.000-04:00

Fellow Edge Readers. I give you the results of Previous Polls in which you voted.

I will give you the question, the results, and my observations. Please know that I appreciate each and every vote cast, and the observations are merely my opinion. Feel free to leave yours in my wisecrack section.

WHO WAS THE BEST BATMAN?
88% Christian Bale (15 votes)
5% Michael Keaton (1 vote)
5% George Clooney (1 vote)
0% Val Kilmer (0 votes)

OBSERVATION - Thankfully, y'all showed GREAT taste in picking Christian Bale. Far and away THE BEST. Now, I understand picking Keaton. He was the original. He wasn't very good, but he was the original and, let's face it, better than Clooney. I believe that Kilmer was the 3rd best Batman, but 2nd best Bruce Wayne. But that's my opinion. Clooney? Who voted for Clooney? Please confess and give your reason. I don't want to shred your reason, I am genuinely curious.

WHICH GAME MOST REVOLUTIONIZED ITS OWN CONSULE?
42% NES - Super Mario Bros (6 votes)
35% N64 - Golden Eye 007 (5 votes)
14% XBOX - Halo (2 votes)
7% Sega - Sonic the Hedgehog (1 vote)
0% PS1 - Tekken 3 (0 votes)

OBSERVATION - This was, I think, a great poll. Personally, I voted for Golden Eye. Why is it, do you think, that Super Mario won? Why was Halo's votes so low? Would the outlook have been different had Atari's PONG been added to the mix?

Thanks for voting!

- Shadraq

*Other Polls

The System: Par 3

2008-04-26T11:11:00.000-04:00

The Average American can golf a normal course at a score of "100". This includes PGA, as well as horrid first-timers. Of those who hit 100, less than half will ever consistently break into the 90s on a semi-regular basis.

I am not what you would call a "good golfer." I am just on the poor side of decent. When playing a full 18, I generally do not break 100. On Par 3's, my best round of 9 is 36 and 37 (that's bogey, and bogey +1). The rest are sadly over 42. Scoff if you want, but aside from people who make their living as duffers, I don't know a lot of people who can play Bogey Golf. If you are honest with yourself, you probably are worse than the average American.

That said, I had played only once in the 2007 season until July 25th. On that day I shot a Par 3 score of 38 and wasn't aware of it until it was all said and done. This is thanks to THE SYSTEM.

THE SYSTEM is the brainchild of one Nathan Sapp, an old high school buddy and current resident overseas. While we were playing, we had just finished a 9-hole Par 3 round of 52 (him) and 54 (me). He came up with this idea of positivity and goal setting to play a decent round of stress-free golf. We decided to test out his theory, henceforth called THE SYSTEM.

Using THE SYSTEM will enable the average duffer to shoot a 72 Par 3 course (18 over par). That is to say, 1-over-par on each hole. That is an AMAZING number.

This is how it works:
********************
Shot #1 - Tee off and land your ball within 20 yards of the Green.
Shot #2 - Shoot the ball onto the Green.
Shot #3 - Put the ball within 5 feet of the Pin.
Shot #4 - Put it in.
Result - Bogey.

*Simple? Yes. But by setting realistic goals and not setting yourself to some impossible standard, you can use THE SYSTEM to play the best rounds of golf you have ever played.
********************

THE SYSTEM works. THE SYSTEM helps set realistic, achievable golfing goals. You won't find yourself stressing. You won't worry about making it into the hole. All you'll be thinking is "I only have to get within 20 yards of the Green on this shot...I can do that."

Easy.

WARNINGS -
#1 - if you find yourself ahead of THE SYSTEM schedule, do not skip ahead to the PIN, instead skip a step. If you make it onto the Green and THE SYSTEM called for you to be only within 20 yards of the Green, simply try to get within 5 feet of the Pin. If you begin to think of "Birdie" and "Par", you will over-think and generally miss far worse than simply aiming for an achievable goal. Besides, if you happen to get a legit par it's really a birdie in THE SYSTEM.

#2 - If you fall behind THE SYSTEM, do not skip ahead to the Pin. Instead, realize that there is "bogey" built into THE SYSTEM and there is grace to continue the steps in order.

THE SYSTEM is not helping people reach mediocrity, or help us settle for less than spectacular. THE SYSTEM helps us reach achievable goals, without the stress of living up to a standard that fewer than 40% of Professionals can even reach. I am living proof that THE SYSTEM works. I improved 16 shots in a span of 9 holes, Nathan improved 12 shots. When using THE SYSTEM, you aren't concerned with putting the ball in the hole, you are simply involved with achieving your next goal - 20 yards out, on the Green, 5 feet from the Pin, in the hole...THE SYSTEM will not only help you play a stress-free game of golf, but it will also teach you how to set humble goals and achieve them.

There is a spiritual lesson somewhere in there as well, but that is a post for another day...

- Shadraq

Transition

2008-04-11T08:08:00.000-04:00

I'm in Transition. But I'll be back! Keep checking and sooner or later I'll get settled enough to get a post up.

- Shadraq

Levels

2008-03-20T15:17:00.000-04:00

To read other posts on Leveling Up, click here.

My friend and I were talking about Spirituality, as it is related to negative actions.

I do know that spirituality, in its most basic form, is simply Choice. Oh, we like to call it different things, but essentially everything boils down to choice.

I also know this - the more often you choose what The Master asks you to choose, the greater the reward, but the less room for error there is. At least, such has been my experience. You can tell the Great Spirit "no" all you want, but as soon as you start accepting the Spirit's leading of your life, the less room there is to choose against his wishes.

I'll give you an example. In August 2006 I was interpreting dreams at the County Fair. I had just gotten off of a table and was completely RACKED. I was done, tired, lifeless, lumpy. Our booth was next to the amateur music stage, and on-stage was a worship band from a local organization. The Master asked me to go up into the field, in front of the bleachers and dance.

Prior to this, I had not been in a habit of telling the Master "no" when it came to worship for over 2 years. Whatever it was, I was down to do it. Literally...this is no exaggeration.

However, on this particular day I said "no". I was too tired, exhausted...blah, blah, blah. That choice started me on a slide where I began to say "no" to more and more things. Finally in February the following year, during a conference, the Spirit told me "Fine, you want to act like a baby? I'll treat you like a baby." In that instant he asked me to (up front, mind you) lay in the fetal position, suck my thumb, and cry WAA WAAH, loudly.

So I did.

I hadn't realized how far removed from the Spirit I was, simply because of one choice.

So here's my take on Levels...the higher you go, the less room for conscious error there is. It's like climbing stairs: the higher you go, the less room there is on each step. However, in this instance, if you consciously choose to step off you don't drop 1 level...you drop off..."Choose this day whom you will serve".

That means that the choice is daily. Choose wisely.

- Shadraq

Top 10 of 2007

2008-03-19T10:35:00.000-04:00

My 2nd All-Time favorite movie is High Fidelity. The staple of that movie is Top 5 Lists. So as I scroll through my archives, and witness the journey of my first year of blogging, I find my favorites. Below are links to my Top 10 posts...in its completion.

Feel free to comment on the posts themselves. I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I enjoyed writing them.

So, with no more adu whatsoever:

Shadraq's Top 10 of 2007:
10. The Edge Mantra
9. The Nook
8. A Cosmic Chess Match
7. Heros
6. A gap in communication
5. Star Wars and Spirituality: Younglings
4. Fighting Inevitability
3. Unmitigated Joy
2. What a Mindjob
1. The Edge

Thanks for a great year.

- Shadraq

Here is 2007, in review.

Leveling Up

2008-02-28T10:05:00.000-05:00

Click here to read an earlier, similar post.

There are times when you feel close to the Master, and there are times when he feels quite far away. My usual M.O. is to think that I've somewhere made a choice that has caused me to drift farther away from him.

Such is the case, at times...

Other times, that isn't the case. What I've learned is that sometimes we peak out at the level we are at. We can go no higher. Our heads are threatening to bump into the ceiling. All of a sudden, I feel like I have more room. That is the best way to describe what I feel.

I feel like I'm on the ground again and there is all this space between me and this Ceiling of Spirituality. My Master showed me that I hadn't done anything wrong, he was simply taking our relationship to the
next level, and I had to learn the new rules.

It's akin to dating someone, and you move your relationship from holding hands to kissing. A new depth of relationship opens up new rules and new intimacies.

It feels like I have so much more ground to cover now. New passions and new adventures.

The relationship has changed and certainly there are new dynamics to explore - but it's all about loving him, about knowing him; not trying to get new things from him.

Besides, the pretty girl in the room always can tell which guy wants to know who she is, versus the ones who just want a quickie...

- Shadraq

Falling Over

2008-02-12T10:14:00.000-05:00

Graham Cooke said that if he had it to do all over again, "...I would make more mistakes."

A couple months ago, I was watching my 7 month-old son (at the time) play with his train. As I sat there watching him sit on the floor, I saw him look over and see a toy he wanted. He reached and reached, stretched and leaned for that toy, just out of his reach. I watched him wobble, tilt, and fall onto the floor. I picked him back up, toy-less, and he went back to the piano.

Soon after that, he saw the toy again. The same acrobatics ensued, only this time I reached out and caught him as he was falling.

I can look back on my life, and even in the midst of stuff going on, and realize one undeniable thing - either the Master will catch me, or He won't. I've noticed that at times I had to learn lessons the hard way. I needed to stretch for things I really wanted; I needed to fail.

But there have been times where He has caught me, spared me the pain. It is easy to look at the times where the Creator hasn't caught me and say:
"Where were You?!"
"Why did you let this happen?"
"Why do bad things happen to good people?!"

Outraged, as if I'm owed a living.

One thing I do know, I love being caught. If I'm falling, I love it when He catches me.

One other thing I know - if I am not caught, it must serve some higher purpose. My response shouldn't be blame, it should be submissive. It should be humility. It should be comforting, knowing I cannot do it on my own. Knowing that I need Him.

Ultimately, the toy was put just out of our reach for a reason. Either He will catch you or He won't. But, as Mr. Beaver said to Susan, "Of course he's not safe, but he's good."

- Shadraq

Romance and Flowers

2008-02-04T20:49:00.000-05:00

In thinking of how we are the Master's Bride and he is our groom...

We are all part of this game - This Great Romance. The Master is wooing us - romancing us.

Often, it seems that we look to our big situations and wonder:
"Where is the Master?"
"Why doesn't he show up?"
"Hello, I'm suffering here!"
"Don't you love me?"

He has his own timetable for everything, and I'm not here to discuss the "big" things with you. I'm talking about the "little" things. I find that I get so wrapped up in what isn't happening, that I miss what is.

In relationships, it's doing the little things that count. Buying popcorn, surprising her with flowers, a long walk, quality time, holding hands, going to pick her up when her car breaks down...

And if you take a poll, you'd find that those are the things that really matter. If you ask any older couple for memories, sure you'll hear about some big things - but mostly you will hear about the little things that made their life together special and unique.

I don't want to be caught staring at the sky, looking for a comet, and miss the hundreds of shooting stars that pass by. If I will but take a moment and pull myself out of tunnel vision, I'll begin to notice all the little things he does to romance me - the flowers he brings me.

So there it is, I don't want to miss him romancing me because I'm trying to make this "relationship work." I don't want to miss out of the little things. I want to be able to see when he brings me flowers. I know for a fact that if I will look for the little things, I'll notice that he is romancing me, he brings me flowers. It is easier to love when you are given flowers, and he knows this.

Besides, the little things are the good stuff.

- Shadraq

Edge Superbowl Poll

2008-02-01T09:46:00.000-05:00

The Results are in!

Out of 11 Voters:

72% (8 votes) of Edge Readers are rooting for the New York Giants; whereas 27% (3 votes) for the New England Patriots.

However, the readers are SPLIT in who they think will win - 50/50. (yes, 12 voted for the prediction).

We shall see. However, in 2005 I had a series of dreams about the AFC playoffs, and every one of them were correct in winner and type of win. Having said that, I had a dream on Tuesday night: The New York Giants won in a low-scoring shutout: 5-0, 7-0.

Go Giants.

Edge Christmas Poll

2008-01-29T22:42:00.000-05:00

Edge Readers, below are the results of the Christmas Polls you voted on.

BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIE?
40% White Christmas (4 votes)
20% Elf (2 votes)
20% It's A Wonderful Life (2 votes)
10% Polar Express (1 vote)
10% Muppet Christmas Carol (1 vote)
*6 entries did not receive any votes

OBSERVATION - It's my opinion that White Christmas is the single greatest Christmas movie of all time. I don't think there is a better, proven classic. My opinion used to be different, but slowly I found myself embracing this line of thought. It's like liking any ROCKY movie better than the original, or any Star Wars movie better than RETURN OF THE JEDI - at some point, your tastes slowly move toward the inevitable.

AT WHAT POINT CAN ONE BEGIN TO WEAR LONG UNDERWEAR?
40% Anytime, it's always in fashion (4 votes)
20% 40 Degrees of Below (2 votes)
20% Below Freezing Only (2 votes)
20% When Leg-hair starts to freeze (2 votes)
0% Never - it's a social faux pas (0 votes)

OBSERVATION - I'm just glad nobody picked the last one. I love wearing long underwear

Thanks for voting

- Shadraq

My Son, the Dancer

2008-01-22T09:33:00.000-05:00

So we are 20 days into a city-wide "prayer and fasting", petitioning the Master to bring his presence into our city. There are 24+ churches involved in this.

My fast? The snooze button. (That's right, I'm serious)

Since 2005, January, I have felt the Master's gentle nudging to get up early to worship and dance. If I were to do that, there would be some type of breakthrough in my life.

I never did it, until January 2nd of this year.

My son, Boaz, is an EARLY riser. So when I roll out of bed I will grab him and he will worship with me. Sometimes I'll hold him while I dance, and sometimes I'll sit him in front of the stereo and dance around him while he sits there.

Now, if you look at earlier posts - specifically this one - you would know that I put a great deal of weight on dance during worship. Davidic, sweating, undignified, foolish dance. I want Boaz to grow up knowing that expressive worship is normal. I don't want him to have to deal with all of the baggage that most of us carry during worship. I want him to live and worship free.

On the afternoon of Day 19, my wife puts on a worship CD while we fold laundry and all that - he's playing. All of a sudden he looks up at me, and starts hopping his little body up and down (he's just under 9 months old). HE IS WANTING ME TO DANCE WITH HIM. He recognizes the spirit of the music, and knows what to do...

He did it again this morning (and again this afternoon) - it's becoming normal now. He will hear the music and he'll hop and clap (dance). At times, I think my heart will burst.

This must be what the Master feels like when we abandon it all and just worship freely, unencumbered.

And this is before he can crawl - I wonder what it'll look like when he can walk.

Beautiful.

- Shadraq

The Diety Day Timer

2008-01-15T20:56:00.000-05:00

This is another Musing.

Do you think that the Master has a day timer? I mean, I know he is outside time and all, but isn't he all-knowing? Perhaps a day-timer where it happens as he's writing it down. Sort of like speaking something into existence.

But what if, 1500 years ago, he put down for April 24, 2007, "Boaz is born" and it happened? He knew us before we were in our mothers' womb, yes? So how long ago constitutes before?

Wasn't there prophets telling people what would happen all the time, long ago? What if they just got a peek at the Masters' day-timer?

That would make a lot of sense. I know that when we are desperate in need of the Master to come through, it is always at the moment before complete devastation. As in:

11/30/07: Jenny cannot afford rent. Send $600 at 1600 hours via Ken.
12/02/07: Give Ken an unexpected work bonus of $1500

Sort of like:
11/20/07: work meeting 8am

That makes sense. I don't know if it's right, but it's a musing. All I know is that I hope my name is written in blue. I like blue.

- Shadraq

2007 Football Season

2008-01-14T13:00:00.001-05:00

Man, what a great season! I'm disappointed, but my Seahawks had a great run. I'm proud of all they accomplished and am glad they played well for Boaz's first season as a fan. He took a lot of naps during the back-end stretch, but rooted in spirit.

On behalf of my wife, son, and myself - thanks for a great season. We'll be back next year.

- Shadraq

Diety Masturbation

2008-01-08T23:46:00.000-05:00

This is another Musing.

Here's a new perspective:

Would you want the Creator to be with you, but thinking of someone else the whole time? What if he even pretended that it was you He wanted to be with, but was secretly thinking of someone else instead?

What if He fantasized about someone else he could have placed in your shoes, but didn't? What if he wondered how much better His plans could have been fulfilled had He been with someone else.

I mean, I seemed like a good idea at the time...what if He tires of me? What if He trades me in for a better lover?

What if I no longer excite Him? What if, in the dark recesses of His being, He begins to crave time away from me? What if He wishes He could be with someone else?

It's just a musing, but I'm glad that this would never occur - why then do we cheat on Him?

- Shadraq

Slip 'n Slide with the Seahawks

2008-01-06T12:04:00.000-05:00

To any of you Packer fans, I just want to tell you, "We want the ball, and we're gonna score."

In honor of my team advancing...

Knowledge v Intimacy

2008-01-01T11:25:00.000-05:00

I had a recent conversation with a friend of mine that caused me to post the following:

Have you ever heard that tired old story of the 3 blind men who feel up an elephant? One - feeling the leg - says that an elephant is tall and strong like an oak. The second - feeling the trunk - says an elephant is long and thin, like a snake. The third - feeling the tusk - disagrees, saying an elephant is sharp and pointy like an icepick.

As I said, tired old story. It's point was to say "Who is right?" Well, they all were. Their experience of the elephant was different, but it was still an elephant. This is supposed to apply to the Creator and explain why people have different experiences. Not a bad story, just outdated and missing a larger issue.

Is it better to study and know about the Creator, or to simply know Him (or Her)? I love Jim Morrison. I have studied him and love his music, and the man he was created to be. But I will never know him.

Conversely, I know my wife. We live together, work out our issues together, sleep together, play cards together...I know her intimately, relationally. My son knows her too, and his experience of her will be no less real than my own - but severely different. However, no one will be able to tell him that he doesn't know her.

This is the difference between knowledge and intimacy. I bet that if my son and I study Jim Morrison, we would mostly come to the same conclusion. But our experiences with my wife are different, because our relationship and intimacy is different.

Do you see where I am going with this? Relationship with the Creator can differ, and still be just as real and intimate (assuming there is passion) as some one elses'. But, you CANNOT have a relationship with someone if you only study them. I will never have a relationship with Morrison, but I can know about him.

And I'm not saying knowledge is bad. I'm simply saying that sacrificing intimate relationship for the sake of academic pursuit can land one in a world of joyless, tired religion.

- Shadraq

PS - Happy New Year

The Good Life

2007-12-19T21:12:00.000-05:00

This is a Musing.

I've heard of people who think over how lucky their life is when they are lying in bed. They think of all kinds of stuff while they lie there - how lucky they are to have found their significant other, their kids, family, job, money, life, faith...yadda yadda yadda.

They take stock of their life as they lie awake in bed.

Me, I don't ponder these things as I lie there. I tend to get in bed and simply crash. I sack out hard. Call me ungrateful, but thinking is not something I do when I get into bed. I sleep.

That isn't to say I'm not thankful. On the contrary, I do ponder those exact things. I just do them elsewhere - like the shower...

Or on the Toilet.

And I think things like, "If I had done things differently, could I be sitting on a better toilet right now? Could I be reading a hardcover Calvin and Hobbes, instead of this rotty, bent paperback?"

And so I sit there and ponder my life. I ponder the deep stuff, as well as the small stuff. No topic is too good to be thought of on the pot. I think other things, such as "I don't know if my Hair Conditioner is Accented with Australian Aloe as my Shampoo is." And, "Oh wait, it is."

As most will concur, the Throne is an excellent place to center yourself.

Besides, what else do you have to do?

- Shadraq

Star Wars and Spirituality: Leveling Up

2007-12-11T21:36:00.000-05:00

* DISCLAIMER - This is the third installment in the series. To see earlier posts click here.

Have you ever played an RPG (Role Playing Game)??? If you haven't, basically you have a character and as you progress through the game, you gain experience for everything you do. Experience is gained by the conversations you have, people you help (or don't), missions you accomplish, and enemies you defeat.

The most popular is probably World of Warcraft. I, however, play KOTOR (Knights of the Old Republic). That's right, Star Wars.

As you progress, you have an opportunity to "Level Up." Meaning, you can choose attributes, powers, etc. that you wish to have. Once this is accomplished, your character will have moved from "Level 4" to "Level 5." Stronger, more powerful.

Take that and add it to this - I've noticed that there are certain seasons in my life where I have to root out the darkness in my own soul. I realize that I am not as bent towards the Light Side as I thought I was, and certain issues once thought dead and beaten have once again come back in force.

I used to get discouraged. How could I have fallen prey to darkness again!?? I thought I had beaten this back, and that my Master had taught me how to avoid the Dark Side.

I have come to the following conclusion - what I can get away with at Level 4, I cannot get away with at Level 5. The darkness that I face is not Level 4 darkness. Those are cake, easily dispensable. I've gotten used to fighting Level 4 battles.

Ah, but Level 5 battles I have not faced yet. Those things I could get away with, the little darkness' that stayed with me were permissible on Level 4. On Level 5, they have to go, or could wind up killing me.

So now, when the Emperor attacks, I see it differently. I see my Master using the attack to train me further, so that I might survive the next level.

- Shadraq

The Christmas Spirit

2007-12-04T21:39:00.000-05:00

We hear a bunch of things about Christmas Spirit. It is difficult to explain, but most tell me they feel all warm and gooey. There is a general feeling of goodwill, a closeness with your fellow man.

I am convinced that the Christmas Spirit is primarily due to the music. Music, as most can attest, has its own soul.

Think of it. Everywhere you go this season, you hear Christmas Music. Walmart, Target, Macey's...Sageport. Most of the music is classical Christmas Music - Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, Henry Mancini, Guy Lombardo...And have you listened to those words? Most have a central theme - Away in a Manger, Hark the Herald Angel Sings, Silent Night...

Perhaps the Christmas Spirit that we all feel isn't so much about Christmas as it is the Master's name being proclaimed for 3 months all over the world - in department stores no less.

Makes you wonder about the power of words to effect the atmosphere doesn't it?

- Shadraq

The Nook

2007-11-27T22:01:00.000-05:00

Musings from Dr Seuss' One Fish Two Fish.

****
We took a look.
We saw a Nook.
On his head
he had a hook.
On his hook
he had a book.
On his book
was "How to Cook."

We saw him sit
and try to cook.
He took a look
at the book on the hook.

But a Nook can't read,
so a Nook can't cook.
SO...
what good to a Nook is hook cook book?
****

I've recently become personally challenged with the concept of love. What is the point of existence, if not to love? What is the point of anything without love? Love is the one thing that every human being needs, craves. I am not talking about romance - that is a separate item all together.

The common rap among people who say that Jesus is their Spirit Guide - is judgmental. Judgemental? What is that? What insecurity is it that allows us to judge other people? Who are we? Did we forget our life journey and who we used to be?

We should always try to see people as the Master sees them - living in the fullness of their destiny, in the purpose they were created for. After all, everyone is a mess at one point or another. Everyone's journey takes a different path. Everyone has an opportunity to embrace the Master, at different points in their lives. Some at 3, some at 107. Who cares? It all pays the same.

What good is the Truth without Love? What good are intentions without love? I don't care how good of a person you are or how nice you are - if you don't have love it is all a waste.

So what is the cure? Love. Love someone for the person they will be, see with the eyes of the Spirit. I heard of this old guy back in the first century who said, "If I give everything I own to the poor...but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love."

After all, what good to a Nook is hook cook book?

- Shadraq

New Tricks in The MATRIX II

2007-11-20T15:02:00.000-05:00

This is a Sequel - it's Reloaded actually. Please read the original before continuing.

I'll tell you what rocked me - the scene in the first MATRIX where Neo has been resurrected. Smith and the other 2 agents start shooting; Neo looks up, holds out his hand, and calmly says, "No." The bullets stop, and he proceeds to destroy the Agents in a surreal, dreamlike state.

I have often wondered what the Spiritual Realm looks like. What is beyond the skin of this world? I know people who can see into that realm - Seers. I wonder what they see...

Depending on their loyalties, probably exactly what they are supposed to see...

What would happen if we saw things for what they really were - could see things beyond the Skin? Could we do greater things than we currently are?

I read about this one guy, 2000 years ago, who could control the weather with his words...

- Shadraq

The Cooler turns 30

2007-11-18T20:49:00.000-05:00

In honor of my best friend turning 30, I have some musings:

It occurs to me that 30 is a lot younger now than it used to seem when I was a little guy. I used to think it was way old - you know, like dirt. But now, 30 is seeming a lot more young.

I would think that 33 is a rough age - you can't dodge the "How old are you" question by saying, "I'm in my early 30s." You now have to say your age. That, or you can use a less dignified answer of "I'm in my early mid-30s."

37 is a toughie as well. No longer is the comfort of "mid 30s" allowable. Because, if you dare say that to anyone and they press you for your actual number, you have to get over the embarrassment of fooling yourself that 37 is "mid." 37, like 33, is is no-mans land.

Then you get to 40. And 40 seems to me now, what 30 did then. But hats off to my buddy, Cooler. You made it. How you always seem to beat me to the birthday age, I'll never know.

But I can honestly say, without a thread of guile - my life would sorely be lacking without you in it. So I raise up a Mac 'n Jacks to you and wish you a merry day. I love you, bud.

- Shadraq

The Worst

2007-11-14T20:15:00.000-05:00

Okay, People, I have a bone to pick with y'all. Below is our conversation.
****
Me: What holiday is coming up? Anyone?

You: Thanksgiving.

Me: Really? Thanksgiving?

You: That's right.

Me: Oooh, that's interesting. Because I could've sworn it was Christmas: Part 1.
****

Here's the thing, there is no reason on this God-created earth that would sound sane enough for anyone to be putting up Christmas lights before Thanksgiving is over. And there is no excuse that will sound lucid enough to cover for people playing Christmas music before Thanksgiving is over.

Please, I don't care if you are a fan of McCulley Culkin and his cute aftershave-induced scream. It's unhealthy, insane, corrupt, and wrong.

Christmas Season officially starts the day after Thanksgiving. Actually, you can get away with Thanksgiving evening. But please, spare me your decorations, music, and movies before then. There is no excuse. Let me enjoy my turkey, my football, my nap without getting knocked about by your candy cane.

It's a travesty, really. That's what it is - a Travesty.

Immoral.

Redonkulous.

- Shadraq

New tricks in The MATRIX

2007-11-07T19:45:00.000-05:00

Last night was a rough night. Nothing horrid happened, I was just drained - in every sense of the word. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I felt depression coming on, and (to my credit) simply went to bed EARLY, 745ish.

I awoke this morning feeling physically fine, but still emotionally and spiritually drained - and unsure what to do about it. If most of us are honest with ourselves, we come to realize that we enjoy those days that we are having our personal pity parties. Nothing better wreck my bad mood!

Or maybe it's just me.

However, I was on my way to work and The MATRIX came to mind, most notably the part where Neo is fighting Smith in the abandoned subway. He's getting his ass kicked and all of the sudden he flexes and heals himself. He realized that the pain and blood wasn't real, simply perceived as real.

He relearns what he has learned, and changes his reality.

This came to mind and my spirit immediately gave me application. I simply decided that I wasn't going to be ruled by my emotions - I would be Spirit ruled. I cleared my spirit and put myself under the rule of The Order. I instantly felt power flow through my entire being, chasing away the remnants of my bad day. I simply relearned what I had previously learned; putting my body and soul under the mastery of my spirit for the purpose of being made well. It was just what I needed.

And all this before breakfast...

- Shadraq

Born to be...

2007-10-31T20:38:00.000-04:00

During breakfast today, I was talking with The Godfather. We had a most interesting discussion. I told him that Life isn't simply about living well. Each individuals' life is made specifically for them. Each of us are created with a unique destiny and purpose.

Live the life you were born to live.

I used to become dispirited when I saw all these Champions of my Order. I was down because I could never see myself being as great and amazing as they are. Do you think the average rebel fighter was jealous of Luke Skywalker? Who wouldn't be jealous of Han Solo?

I will never be John Paul Jackson. I will never be Jim Driscoll. I will never be Josh Young. I will never be Jason Thompson or Paul Alderson.

Which is good, because those guys already exist. Their purposes are already being fulfilled. Why aspire to be someone who already exists? There is a destiny that is, yet, unfulfilled - that was created specifically for me.

We are all presented with a choice. We can simply exist and live life, or we can embrace and choose to live the life we were born to live.

There is a life I was born to live. I was tailor made to live the life that I am living. I aspire not to be someone else; their giftings and talents are already being used. I choose to live the life I was born to live. It's not a sure thing, it's a choice. All have the option, but few really live.

You have to choose...

- Shadraq

A Cosmic Chess Match

2007-10-20T10:11:00.000-04:00

*****
“It helps now and then to step back and take a long view. The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision....This is what we are about: we plant seeds that will one day grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise...We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that...It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the [Spirit]’s grace to enter and do the rest. We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker. We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs. We are prophets of a future not our own.”

–Archbishop Oscar Romero
Full Quote
*****

There has been a game going on since the dawn of time, and before. A game of strategy - a Cosmic Chess Match, just behind the skin of this world.

One Game to decide it all.

I don't care if you are a pawn or a rook, a bishop or a knight - we all get moved strategically. We all have a role to fill. Some of us get sacrificed for the greater good...We are all simply a piece.

It's because I believe that, that I can speak the following:

Here is the deal: within our Order, there is the idea that has prevalently become known as closing the deal. This statement is used in a variety of ways, and covers a variety of programs and agendas. I have embraced a larger view of the Order, and of our Master.

We no longer have to subject ourselves to this idea that "If I don't finish this, then this person will wander and all the work I did will have been for naught." That is not the case. This way of thinking will handicap our Order, and has for nearly 50 years. We need to embrace a larger view of things. We need to understand that we are all here to do what we are all here to do. Our goal should simply be to love the person on their journey, to help them get one step closer to reaching the purpose they were created for.

That's it. That is the whole deal.

We are all here to simply fill our roles. Help the person get to the next level and then release them onto the Winds of the Spirit. Trust that the Spirit has a plan, and will move another pawn strategically to help that individual get to the next level on their journey.

This is CHESS, people, not checkers.

For too long, we have carried our Chewbacca belts, full of notches. How many has our Order pushed away, due to our shortsitedness? How many have we hurt for the sake of our agenda - oops, I meant The Message...

We have to embrace a larger view. We are merely a speck on the board. We need to release our encounters with people when they are over. Help them on their journey, and trust the Spirit to move up another piece.

This game has been going on for 15,000 or more years. Trust me, the Master knows how to play.

- Shadraq

The End of an Era

2007-10-15T13:41:00.000-04:00

My buddy Ji and I once wrote this song called As One Ends, Another Begins, written during one of those summer days when you reminise memories, just after high school or college. It was about chapters ending and new ones beginning. Good song.

Have you ever come to the end of a task, or a long journey - physical, personal, or spiritual - and felt a twinge of sadness that it was over? Granted, with some journeys, one is happy to see the end of it. But with some, there is a part of us that wish it wasn't over. It was a good period, and the completeness somehow feels a bit melancholy.

It's during these moments that we reflect back on all the good times we've had, the battles we've waged, and the people we've met...people like Jack Bristow, Sidney Bristow, Michael Vaugn, Marcus Dixon, Marshall Flinkman, Erik Weise, Nadia, Rachel, Tom...Even people like Arvin Sloane, Irena Direvko, and Julian Sark.

My wife and I just finished watching ALIAS, of which we own the seasons. We started this journey while she was pregnant with Boaz, and it culminated last Thursday with the ending of the series - the amazing Season 5.

I'm sad. I shall miss Marshall Flinkman most of all. He was my favorite. He brought humor and techie know-how to my little world. He had an innocence about him that is rare in a Black-Ops CIA Agent. He will be sorely missed.

So thank you, ALIAS, for the memories and the passion you brought into my life for too brief a period.

I wish it were deeper than that.

- Shadraq

Drifters

2007-10-09T15:47:00.000-04:00

*************
To stand in awe is a privledge of few
Though most walk through life with naught but a new
Hight to persue
Lives held together with maneuvers and glue.
Loveless and blue.

Wake up the sleepers of this wroughten age
Destroying mindsets that disengage
A generation taught not to feel
Wanders begging for something real
A hurting people
Vagabond lives with no case to appeal.

So how to recoup lives destroyed by the righteous
People who leave the wounded fightless
Flightless
Beggars needing, seeking their darkness brightened?

For the hopeless there's nothing but the waiting for end
Of the painful nightmare life fated them
To wander friendless waiting for road's bend.
Where is the power in an unfulfilled life
That is void of feeling, full of strife -
Empty but a hope for their destiny to fly
Soaring high
To grasp purpose before they die.

Persue real life, die or live free
Escape the bondage, drop it and flee
And find oneself existing
Living blissfully
In a nirvana of exstacy.
Awake from your dream.
************

I wrote this on January 19, 2005. It was how I felt then. It is how I now feel...

- Shadraq

Star Wars and Spirituality: Younglings

2007-09-28T14:16:00.000-04:00

* DISCLAIMER - This is the second installment in the series. To see earlier posts, click here.

I think there are a lot of similarities between Star Wars and Spirituality. One of the coolest scenes in Episode II is where Obi Wan enters into the Jedi Temple to get Yoda's advise - and there is Yoda, teaching the little kids (called Younglings) the basics of being a Jedi.

The way of the Jedi is to pass on their knowledge of the Force to the next generation. This will not only ensure their survival, but equip the next generation to be even more powerful than the previous.

Contrary to this is the way of the Sith. The Sith hoard power and knowledge and will not share it with anyone, lest they lose their seat of honor. The Sith crave power, and fear only losing it.

Spiritual Truths are not meant to be kept secret. They are not meant to be hoarded for recognition. They are meant to be released to empower the rest of our Order. Only by making one another stronger can we hope to increase our knowledge of the Spirit.

We need to stop looking at the next generation as spiritually immature because of their age. How will the Younglings mature and go beyond our ceilings if we refuse to train their spirits? If we are to survive, and to fulfill our destiny, we must pass on what we know - we must raise up the next generation.

- Shadraq

The Edge Mantra

2007-09-22T23:04:00.000-04:00

*****
Each of us is an incarnated puzzle, and each of us has an insatiable thirst for the infinite. Never content with the limited nibbles and tastes offered by created realities, we find buried in our depths a dynamic that is restless and voracious. Even the self-avowed atheist is, in his or her endless desire, a witness to this basic need for the divine.

- Thomas Dubay
*****

I love this quote - my friend Firestarter sent me this back in 2004. This is the Mantra of the Edge.

Now, if you did a quick read, reread the quote. It'll change your life. Swear.

As humans, we have this basic need to believe that there is something outside ourselves. We have this innate desire to crave a meaning to it all. We need to believe that there is a reason to existence. The answer to the greatest question...What is the meaning of life?"

Is this all there is? Or is this merely a bus-stop on the way to a Spiritual Utopia? Can we hope to ascend from this existence, or do we simply get one go-around?

You can decide that for yourself, and I'm not here to discuss the pros and cons of a supernatural being who created all living things. What I am saying is this: Inside each and every person who has walked this planet is an empty hole. The hole that tells us there is life on other planets, or that there is an "all seeing eye" in the sky looking out for them.

People want to believe that they weren't a mistake. No matter the circumstances surrounding their conception or childhood - people want to know that they have a purpose...a reason they are on this earth. People crave to be necessary.

If one is to believe in a power outside themselves, to believe that they have a purpose, and to ultimately seek out that purpose - then they must accept the fact that there is the existence of the Divine. Some might call it Faith.

And I would disagree with Han Solo, "There's no mystical energy controlling my destiny; it's all just a bunch of simple tricks and nonsense." Personally, I do believe that there is as mystical energy surrounding my destiny. I believe that there is a purpose to my being on this earth.

If you believe you have a purpose, a reason you are here, seek it out. Go for it. Chase after the need for the divine that pricks at your psyche. If you chase after your purpose, it will find you. This thing called life that was put together has a way of its own. It culminates in a tapestry of events that are designed to lead you into the purpose you were created for.

The ancients used to called it Fatedom; we currently refer to it as Destiny…

- Shadraq

The Edge

2007-09-18T19:40:00.000-04:00

...According to Don Knotts

He's here!

Who is?

He is, Rattlesnake. But don't worry, I've got the edge on him.

You do, why?

Because he's here and I know he's here. And he knows I know he's here. But he doesn't know I know he knows I know he's here. But I know...so I've got the edge.

Stories from the Burn pt2

2007-09-16T11:23:00.000-04:00

So me and a guy named Tommy went out on the Playa on Thursday, in-between dust storms to play some mini golf. On the way, these two guys came up to us and wanted to ask us some questions. One asked me why we were at Burning Man. He pointed out that we weren't in costume and hadn't decorated our bikes. Because of our lack of flamboyance, he wanted to know if we were here to party. I told him that I was here to offer spiritual guidance to the Playa. I told him of our camp and what we did. I said that our purpose at Burning Man was to offer them a Spiritual Encounter - I told him that we were offering spirituality. He seemed to like that.

We had this killer menu board. People would come into our tent and tell us what kind of encounter they needed. It was an amazing stroke of revelation. One guy came to my group on Wednesday afternoon asking for a Spiritual Cleansing. I had Spirit Eyes and Randogg on my team. He wanted negative spirits removed. So I had him sit down and ask for the Spirit of Power to come into him and reveal any negative energy. I told him that we served the Spirit of Truth and that He would reveal things to us. I told him that the Spirit of Truth was a gentleman, and He wouldn't come into this guy without being asked.

So he asked.

The Spirit fell and started around his head and down to his neck. I told this guy to start calling out the negative energies that he wanted to leave. So he started calling out things like FEAR, WORRY, REJECTION and other things. The Spirit went deeper as he continued to call out things. I was watching and saw the Spirit pause by his belly. I put my finger there and asked if he wanted to go deeper. He said he did.

I told him that if he wanted to go deeper it required change. He said he was ready. I told him that if he did this, he couldn't go back to the things he used to do spiritually, because it would hurt him. He said he was ready.

So we proceeded.

I started to give him a Father's Blessing. The Spirit of Truth revealed to me some things that were spoken over him when he was a boy, and the Spirit began (through me) to validate him as a man. I began to speak truth to the lies he had grown up with, and began to break the rejection that this boy got from his father. I then embraced him and began to whisper to him the things that the Spirit thought of him, and he began to weep.

After some time I sat him down and he began to call out more negative energies; then his body began to vibrate. I removed the chair and laid him on the ground to let the Spirit do whatever it wanted. He was down there another 15 minutes or so before he got back up. His face was beaming. His girlfriend came up to me afterwards and exclaimed, "What did you do!?" She hadn't even spoken with him yet and could see the difference already.

Ironically, his name means "Truth Seeker."

- Shadraq

Stories from the Burn

2007-09-10T14:17:00.000-04:00

So I had an encounter on Saturday, August 11. I was at Home Depot with Nala (aka GGP), shopping for Burning Man. I had just picked up a dust mask and this guy walks up to me and asks me why I'm buying a dust mask. He is not wearing the orange vest indicator - therefore he doesn't work for Home Depot; he is just some guy. My first instinct was, "this guy is a Burner." So I tell him that we are going to Burning Man. I ask him if he is and he says, "no."

He then informs me that he used to live in Reno and that the dust is REALLY bad. He said that he has asthma and it took quite a while for his lungs to clear out once he moved (he now lives in Washington). He suggested the $40 mask with the dual breathing things on the end. He said that if I was going to Burning Man, that that was the mask I should get.

I told him, thanks. I said that I would stick with my cheapos, and if it turns out that I should have listened, I'll pick it up for next year. I then offered my hand and gave him my name.

He says, "My name is Tao, but everyone calls me Priest."

When I get home, I tell my wife. She said, "Let me get this straight. You were shopping for dust masks for Burning Man, and some guy named Priest, from Reno, happens to be walking down that isle, talks to you, suggests a different mask, and you DIDN'T buy it???"

Needless to say, I went back to buy the expensive mask.

*******************

Here's the kicker. Have you ever seen the movie THE MUMMY? There is a point where they look to the horizon and see a dust cloud just rise up out of nowhere and rush towards them...

I saw this, and I was out on the Esplanade on a bike.

We had 2 whiteouts on Thursday. SEVERE Whiteouts. Whiteouts as in, "I can't see from my tent to the dome, where is the port-o-pottie, what a bad time to have to go" whiteouts.

This is the first major whiteout since 2004...I feel justified, having acted on my encounter. Sadly, the mask was in my bag in my tent. Anyone who knows anything about whiteouts on the Playa will tell you, "DO NOT OPEN YOUR TENT."

So I used my cheapo.

I'm thinking, "Next time, I'm carrying my mask around with me. But next time was Friday. Same result.

What I learned from all this was the following - there are two steps to every encounter:

1. Simply acting takes risk. Risk that there was a purpose to the encounter with a non-orange-vest-person-meeting-me-in-Home-Depot's-Dust-Mask-aisle and buy into the Spirit intervening into our world.

2. Act as if the risk wasn't a risk. Assume you know the future (because you do) and move on like it's dejavu.

I left the mask in my tent because it was a risk...Risk and Act.

Next time I'll do both so I don't have to eat dirt.

- Shadraq

Year of the Hawk 2007

2007-09-07T08:53:00.000-04:00

Friends, readers, Seahawk Fans:

It's my favorite time of year, and that's football season. This is usually when I dump my ludicrous predictions of Seahawks' glory and the coming revolution that is Seattle sports. True to form the Seahawks look good, and I would just be predicting playoffs. But oooh no! Not this time. This is the year that we go all the way. Last year we were plagued with injury and still performed well. We were hiring winos off the street to play cornerback for us, and we made it to the 2nd round against, arguably, the best team in the NFL.

The year before, we played lousy against a severely sub-par Steelers team. Yes, we were royally hosed in the officiating as well. Not even ESPN indicated that there was a Super Bowl Champion in 2005.

But this is the year, the YEAR OF THE HAWK! We are Super Bowl bound this year.

You may ask yourself why - I will tell you. I woke up to find myself turning 27 this year. I have a greater understanding of divine justice and realize that it is time for the floodgates to open up. My son was born this year, and this will be the beginning of a new era - a pure fan. The 'Hawks will not disappoint a 3rd generation fan. I believe.

I believe the 12th man will come into his own and Qwest Field will be reborn with all the wrath of previous seasons. This is our year...

Shaun Alexander is back and healthy. The SUPERMAN exists, and he's a Seahawk.

But I go on. Believe you me, I could rant about my torrid love affair with the Hawks, or how I bleed Blue-and-Green, but I will simply let you see for yourself. Doubt not. We will arise as a 'Hawk from the ashes.

- Shadraq

Day 1

2007-08-28T01:59:00.000-04:00

So far so good. We are all setup. 20,000 bottles of water later. :) Keep speaking to the One who rides the Clouds on my behalf.

See the below post if you're confused.

- Shadraq

The Man

2007-08-23T11:17:00.000-04:00

I'm going away. I'll be off the radar for 9 or so days. Where? Well, turns out that Reno is calling my name. I'm going out to the Playa - Black Rock City.

Burning Man.

If any Burners read this, our camp name is "Spirit Dream Interpretation Cafe". We will be located at 9:00 and Estuary.

I find our address interesting. It literally means "The mouth of the river that reaches the sea." Hmmm, there might be something to that.

So, if you remember, please speak words on the Wind that'll cover us. Should be a blast...

If you can look at that last picture, and can feel the intensity that rolls off of it, you know the kind of covering I need. Speak to the Wind...

- Shadraq

Color Me Tattooed

2007-08-16T00:01:00.000-04:00

*For more insight on this blog, visit Born to be Wild? on Swimming in Light.

So my wife and I were talking about tattoos - of which I currently have 4. She mentioned that I had ink on my arm. I told her "No I don't, it's my skin." She insisted that they aren't my skin, but rather ink on top of my skin. This conversation went back and forth until I told her the following: "If we hadn't sinned as a human race and were still living in the Garden of Eden I would have been born with these tattoos on me and wouldn't have to go through the process of getting them done."

So, basically my perfect heavenly body would have had these marks on them - but because we live in a fallen world I am having to slowly hear God's voice about what markings should go on which places.

Once that flew out of my mouth, I knew I had to revisit that. There lied an interesting thought. See, these markings are already there in the future. In the future, I know why I got them and the reasoning behind them. But I am currently having to discover what I'm missing. Had there not been a fall, my skin would have been perfect. As it is, I am having to discover all that God intended, and why.

I am not saying that every tattoo on every person is "meant to be". I never said that.

Here's the thing - I am on a pursuit to become all I was created to be. Is it so hard to imagine that these bodies we are in are not what they were intended? I honestly don't believe that our heavenly bodies are simply glowing, disease-free versions of what we currently walk around in.

We were born into imperfection. Not only spiritually, but also our health and our bodies. Our skin is imperfect. I'm unsure if Adam had tats or not, but I do know that I would have. God wrote on the wall, he can write on me.

And please, spare me the Leviticus 19:28 lecture. First, that verse is in context of marking the bodies of the dead. Secondly, it's rabbinical law, I'm not a Jew. If you plan on preaching that old verse, make sure you haven't ever shaved your beard.

Besides, I don't have any tattoos, I simply have skin.

- Shadraq

Unmitigated Joy

2007-08-10T11:36:00.001-04:00

I heard a quote recently from a fill-in host for the HERD on ESPN Radio. He mentioned a teacher he had in college who wasn't a fan of sports, but said the following:

"Sporting events are the one place left in society where an individual can show unmitigated joy."

I agree, to a point. If you find a great deal on an item you have been desiring for quite a while, you can't shout for joy in the store. I'm talking top-of-your-lungs, full-chested-scream. But what about worship?

What about worship? What about dance? What about a full-out pursuit of THE EDGE?

I agree that one can hardly bust loose with a passionate yell in Barns 'N Noble. There are rules. The buildings we choose to worship in have rules also. Unwritten rules on how to act, and how to look spiritual.

These rules are the same as the rules that religious leaders of old placed on people - even going as far as to limit the amount of steps one could take on the Holy Day.

Legalism. Control. Man's Law. The Dark Side are they...

In Spiritual Utopia, there is movement. There is noise. There is unmitigated joy and expressed passion. The very throne that the Creator sits on isn't this "shhhhhhhhhhhhh" place. It's not a freakin' library - it's the place where passion lives. Where love and joy and peace live. Where FREEDOM reigns.

Liberty. Freedom. Passion. These are the path to THE EDGE.

Take off your tie and your nylons. Remove your wedding shoes and your high-heels. Let down your hair and scream with unmitigated joy. Get sweaty. For your Creator is worthy of noise and chaos. Spirituality is not the same as respect. If it was, we wouldn't have been told that we would be, "despised, rejected, and persecuted."

And respect is not the same as a quiet death by legalistic rules and methods.

Let me hear it.

- Shadraq

People I can do without

2007-08-08T00:02:00.000-04:00

A brief George Carlin reference...

1. Guys who pee in the shower
2. A high school junior in a dirty mini van bumping to rap music
3. A falconer with a taste for poultry
4. People who speak "baby talk" to cats
5. Men who think they can urinate in between the middle toilet seat.
6. A tattoo artist with a blood phobia.
7. People who misuse the words "your" and "you're".
8. A comedian who is manic depressive.
9. Plastic Surgeons with horrid scars.
10. People who believe Jesus spoke in "King James"

- Shadraq
*Yes I made these up, no I didn't steal from Mr. Carlin

Edge DNA

2007-08-07T23:57:00.000-04:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

This is me...

- Shadraq

PS, if anyone knows how to fix the scrolling text from showing weird characters, leave me a comment

The Edge

2007-08-01T13:33:00.001-04:00

What is The Edge?
Where is The Edge?

The Edge is a place where the Spirit roams free. It's a place where supernatural power becomes a common occurrence. It's a continual, breakneck race to see if you can run out of land.

The Edge is abandonment. It's a full-out run to the very depths of our offensiveness'. It's daring to stick out heads out above the bunker, knowing that we will start taking on purposeful, friendly fire.

The Edge is where the Spirit plays games with you, and asks you to truly give yourself over to it. To make good on your promises during the songs you sing.

The Edge is a free-fall that becomes free-flight.

The Edge is freedom.

The Edge is actually obeying what the Spirit tells you to do, not pretending you didn't hear.

The Edge is daring to continue to test your convictions and be willing to be wrong. It's being on the verge of every new thing the Spirit wants to release.

The Edge is a forerunner. It's being willing to look stupid because someone has to start it. There needs to be a catalyst.

The Edge is being willing to start a fire with water and no matches because that's the way it is supposed to work that time.

The Edge is breathing fresh air that no one has breathed before.

The Edge is life. It's addictive.

- Shadraq

My little band

2007-07-28T14:26:00.000-04:00

If we were Simpsons, this is what my family would look like...

What a Mindjob

2007-07-26T01:16:00.000-04:00

***DISCLAIMER - While reading this, keep in mind that I realize that there are extremes. This post is in the context of "between extremes"

Are they revolutionists or rebellious?

I interned with a fairly prominent ministry back in 2004-2005. During the Spring of 2005, the CEO said something interesting - he said, "The 'new wine' will always look like rebellion to the 'old wine'." I was intrigued. I understand that kids rebel and all that - but maybe that term gets thrown around too much.

Try this on for size - maybe "rebellion" is just a way for previous generations to label kids figuring stuff out. It's only after we are "doing the right thing" that the word "rebellion" gets replaced with a common phrase "...came to his senses." Is it too much to think that God wants us to go through all that hell to form us into the people we were created to be?

We have choices? Sure - but He knows the future and chose to use our choices to shape our Destiny. And if the thought that God would do that blows your mind, remember that God told Hosea to marry a whore, and Jesus hung out with hookers and booze-hounds.

What does "The 'new wine' will always look like rebellion to the 'old wine'." mean? It means that when a new wave or expression of the Spirit comes through The Church - via the next generation - it's usually offensive and chaotic. Case and point, the Jesus Movement. Or, better yet, the Day of Pentecost in Acts.

That was the most chaotic day in the history of The Church. There are 11 sailors, at 9am, trying to convince 3000+ people that they aren't drunk. I'm sure those people were thinking, "Riiiiight. We haven't heard something this nuts since that teenager told everyone that God got her pregnant."

That was the "new wine." The religious leaders were completely against this - they were the "old wine". The only way to ensure that you can recognize the next move of God is to revamp your thinking. If you were on The Edge of Spiritual things 10 years ago, and you camped there - guess what? You aren't on The Edge anymore.

Anytime anyone in the church dares to stick their heads above the norm, they get shot at. There are a lot of revolutionists in the church today who are being cursed by their leaders, being labeled "rebellious." What if they are the new wine? What if they showed up looking drunk? What if the entire youth group looked and acted smashed? What if they started laughing that "drunk laugh" during the middle of a sermon?

Would you quash them?
Would you label them as "disturbances" and "rebellious", or
Would you embrace them?

**********************
"...and these children that you spit on,
as they try to change their worlds are
immune to your consultations. They're
quite aware of what they're going through..."
- David Bowie
**********************

- Shadraq

Great Quote

2007-07-20T22:34:00.001-04:00

I just love this

A Soundtrack to my life

2007-07-19T00:23:00.000-04:00

Most people can track their lives simply by dates - others by the job they had. I have buddies who can recall their lives by remembering who they were dating at the time. Myself, I track it by music.

I think that in every person's life there are stretches that define us - emerging from a long period of confusion. I don't think that we ever have answers when we come out of our fog, but we know that the worst is over. I have gone through such a fog - 6 1/2 years really. It was like this dark cloud that hung over me, enveloping and even stifling me. Oh I had moments of clarity, of breakthrough - but they were fleeting. When I finally came out of it I was aware of only one thing...

Who I was.

I knew who I was. That was it, but it's amazing how something so little can change the rest of your life. I think that the past 2 years have been a result of that epiphany. I started to look back and was able to make sense of it all through music. I put together a soundtrack of those 6 1/2 years to help me understand where I had been.

*************************************************
It’s funny how life turns out
The odds of Faith in the face of Doubt
Camera One closes in
The soundtrack starts, the scene begins…
- Josh Joplin
*************************************************

My Story Disk 1: Summer 1998 - Summer 2003
1. mr robinsons band – Torn
2. Larry Norman (cover) – Shot Down
3. Beta Band – Dry the Rain
4. Staind – Epithtany
5. John Krise – Untitled #2
6. Neil Young – Old Man
7. Back to One – Shimmer and Fade
8. Guns ‘N Roses – Patience (acoustic)
9. Pedro the Lion – When they really get to know you (will they run)
10. Oasis – Champagne Supernova
11. Julina Theory – The Good Fight
12. The Banditos – Everybody Knows (that the world is full of stupid people)
13. Unknown – Who is Me
14. Joe Christmas – East Coast Angle
15. Moby – Why does my heart feel so bad
16. Pink Floyd – Comfortably Numb

My Story Disk 2: Summer 2003 - December 2004
1. Juliana Theory - This is your life
2. Tripping Daisy – High
3. Poor Ol’ Lu – What if Uncle Ben had lived?
4. Audioslave – We 3
5. Bright Eyes - Don't Know When But A Day Is Gonna Come
6. Bruce Hornsby – The way it is
7. Screaming Trees – Working Class Hero
8. U2 – I still haven’t found (What I’m looking for)
9. Shawn Mullins - Twin Falls, Or
10. James Taylor – Walking Man
11. Plankeye - Questions
12. Train – I Am
13. Jason Upton – Run Baby Run
14. Puller - Savior of the Fools
15. Bloomsday - Pedro's Song
16. Pedro the Lion - The Fleecing

What I've learned is that the finish line isn't near as important as the journey. Put another way - getting there isn't as important as HOW you get there. Given the choice, I don't think I would pass on those years. After all, our path doesn't define us - but it helps if you understand it.

- Shadraq

Here am I

2007-07-12T12:15:00.000-04:00

I am not, by nature, a Christian music fan. I would rather listen to Neil Young, Pink Floyd, Coldplay, The Doors, Collective Soul...

That or ESPN Radio.

But this week I felt something lacking, so while I am in the office at work I put on a Mercy Me CD that was on the shelves. Their second song has the below lyrics:
*****
Whom shall I send? Who will go for me? To the ends of the earth...Who will rise up for their king?

Here am I, send me.
*****
There is something that stirs in me when I hear this song.

I recently got a new tattoo. It's the ancient Hebrew hieroglyphics for "worship" it's the picture (from right to left) of two front teeth, a tent wall, and a man with his arms raised. Essentially, worship means "Pressing through the walls that separate us from the breath of God".

There is something fundamentally embedded in each one of us that craves the feeling illicited when music comes on. We cannot help but tap our toes or dance outright...or any varying degrees between the two.

I love to worship, as can be noted in other posts. I am passionate about worship. My Master desires that we all press through the barriers that separate us from His breath.

As Jim Morrison once wrote, "Break on through to the Other Side." Worship is what gets us to the "Other Side". When the song "Here am I" plays (which I have been repeating for 4 times in a row now) comes on, The Master stirs worship in me. Worship HAS TO BE MORE THAN SIMPLY STANDING AND SINGING MUSIC. Worship is proactive. "Press through..." is proactive. Worship is about doing whatever you can to gain the attention of your Master...no matter the cost, no matter how ridiculous you will look. No matter how shamefully you will feel later. Be undignified, be a fool - as David was. Who will rise up for their King?

Here am I, send me.
- Shadraq

The Acid Test

2007-07-09T12:12:00.000-04:00

I don't care what people think of me. I know a lot of people say that, but I actually mean it. There are very few things that make me uncomfortable to the point of embarrassment. I have chased away most worries about what others think of me; I'm okay with "not knowing" and with being a fool. That said, I have found out that there is something that would rattle the cages of even the most confident amongst us.

This drove the fear into me like you wouldn't believe.

My wife and I had a discussion and it flowed like this -
We had recently found a live performance of CARMEN doing his "The Champion" on the net. I felt kind of dorky watching it. I asked her about it later and she said that she didn't feel this way. So I posed her the following question, "If someone came over to your house, and you were blasting Carmen music, would you be embarrassed?" She said that she would. I agreed and felt I would be simply mortified if someone actually heard me listening to Carmen music.

That, I feel, is the acid test of losing our "fear of man." If you can drive in your car, bumping Carmen, come to a stoplight, and NOT turn down your music, AND not feel stupid - you have virtually tamed the "fear beast" inside each of us.

I own a lot of music. I love music and I don't apologize for any music that I own. None of it. Even stuff that people might make fun of, I am not ashamed to listen to it or to be seen listening to it.

But Carmen music is different. Something about it drives us to be automatically embarrassed when we hear it. We are embarrassed to like it; embarrassed to say we used to like it. That's pretty amazing - that's far and away beyond the level "Flock of Seagulls" and "Duran Duran" achieved.

There's something inside us, driving us to be accepted. Somthing that simply CANNOT let anyone hear us listen to Carmen. And don't think that you can compare listening to DC Talk or Michael W. Smith as the same as Carmen. There's no way that's the same. Those aforementioned are way more socially acceptable than Carmen. Carmen is music even hardcore "Christian Music Only" people would be ashamed to have anyone hear them listening to.

That's the acid test, my friends. If you can listen to Carmen, proudly tell others you listen to it, and bump to it in your car, windows down - well, you're a braver person than I.

- Shadraq

Do you believe in Miracles?

2007-07-04T10:12:00.000-04:00

Al Michaels once said that perhaps the greatest sporting event of all time was the 1980 Olympic win in Lake Placid - Americans versus the Soviets. He said, "The US had no right really, to expect to defeat a team that had defeated the NHL All-Stars the year before. It was an impossible fairy tale really...that just happened to come true."

He himself was an announcer during that game. All kinds of stories floating through that game - there was Jim Craig searching the stands for his father, Herb Brooks trying to make believers of us all. It was the impossibility becoming reality.

As the last seconds of that game were waning, Michaels called out, "Do you believe in Miracles!!? YES!" And simultaneously, the US bench cleared in a joyous celebration over defeating the impossible.

Why talk about this on a random July 4th? Here's the connection - I awoke this morning at 630 to the delicious Simon and Garfunkelesque sound of silence. Turns out, my son slept 8 straight hours. Do you believe in Miracles?

As Al Michaels once said, "It's enough to send grown men and women to dancing and shouting with joy in the middle of the night."

It's gonna be a good day.

- Shadraq

My Kid, the Yankee Fan

2007-06-30T13:27:00.000-04:00

Our convictions, to a certain extent, are presented to us by our parents. As we get older, our convictions either change because we find something better, or they don't and we simply stay the way we were raised. I was raised to love 2 major sports teams - the Seattle Seahawks, and anyone playing the New York Yankees. I don't know if it was because they always won or because of a VERY REAL "east coast bias" in the media. Probably a combination of both.

So I was, by default, rooting for the Mets during the Subway series in 2000. But as I got older my baseball loyalties shifted. I became a fair-weather Mariners fan (in that I only rooted for them when they were winning, case and point "this season"). I like playing baseball, but that's about as far as it goes.

My loyalties were for sale, for the right price.

So I married into a New York family. A sports passionate New York family. Football doesn't matter as a whole, so long as you aren't a Cowboys fan, but baseball is another story. All 8 grandchildren, 4 sisters, 2 sons-in-law, one son, and one daughter in law are Yankees Fans. The only exception is my father-in-law who is, quite ironically, a Mets fan.

My wife had explained this to me when we were dating. I was faced with a crisis of faith. Here my father had went to GREAT lengths to hammer this belief home, and I was marrying the enemy. However, since I had no real baseball loyalties, and she no real football loyalties, we came to an accord. We would raise our children to be passionate Seahawks fans, and passionate Yankees fans. I felt a little piece of me die when I shook on that. But at least I ensured that my son would grow up passionate about the Seahawks. You're welcome, Son, may you remember your daddy's sacrifice.

To her credit, she became passionate about the 'Hawks very quickly. It happened during their amazing run back in 2005-2006. Since that day, she's about as nuts as I am.

I tried to be a Yankees fan. I was on my way until I committed a grievous offense I had no way of being prepared for - I suggested the firing of Joe Torry and the hiring of Lou Piniella.

GASP! BLASPHEMY!

I was no longer allowed to be a fan. That, apparently, was tantamount to not believing in the Pope. Baseball sacrilege. Treason. It was a subject simply not talked about. Joe Torry should coach the Yankees until he kicks off, around the first base line.

So I was off the hook; I didn't have to be a fan anymore. I was released from my end of the deal. But something strange came over me - I was actually disgusted that a Yankee fan deems me unworthy of their team. WHO IS SHE to judge ME unworthy of that team?

So now I'm a fan, I even root for A-Rod now. What are you gonna do?
- Shadraq

5 Stages

2007-06-28T00:49:00.000-04:00

It seems that relationships are a beast that cannot be satisfied. Anytime you see a couple, you see their body language and can usually tell where they are in their "togetherness". When my wife and I were dating, we noticed this and came up with a way to gauge relationships.

We figure that there are 5 stages.

STAGE 1 - no one wants to be near you. This is the "Cuddly-and-gross-everyone-out" stage. This is where a couple loses all sense of friendship. There are no friends. Your best buddy is now "some guy who calls me." There is no space between you. One can't tell where you end and the other begins. This is usually when your phone bill exceeds your paid minutes and you run seriously over on your text messaging budget. This stage usually lasts about 6 months, assuming you make it that far...

STAGE 2 - You are still cuddly, but you can tolerate hanging out with other people, so long as you are with each other. The phone bill lessens, but is still pretty huge. This stage can last any length of time.

STAGE 3 - This is the most healthy and the most dangerous stage. You hang out with other people, aside from your beloved. You guys start to reach "normalicy." People can stand to be around you again and actually enjoy your company. The danger lies in getting too comfortable and taking the relationship for granted.

STAGE 4 - This stage is when you actually crave time away from your one true and your other begins to cramp your style a bit. Most marriages end up here for quite some time.

STAGE 5 - Counseling is necessary. You prefer being away from your once-love. You guys are together, but exist in this realm of "that person I am seeing". This is the easiest place to be because it's the most selfish. Your needs are met on a carnal level, but emotionally, you are completely distant. Your relationship is no longer a relationship but a state of coexisting.

Relationships are a constant job. They require work and understanding. The trick to staying in love is simply wanting to be there. Laying down your desires for the good of the one you love is the ultimate (and a necessary) sacrifice.

If I have one piece of advice for any of you unmarrieds, or newlyweds it is this - don't let ANYONE tell you that your passion will fade. That it is "just because it is new." Those people are full of it. Don't let anyone curse your marriage like that.

That's all I have to say...

- Shadraq

Musings from PIRATES 3

2007-06-19T22:51:00.000-04:00

***DISCLAIMER: THIS BLOG CONTAINS POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE: if you intend to watch PIRATES 3, read this at your own risk. If you don't intend to watch it, read on...

Just how did ol' Davy Jones end up all squid-like? We think it's because he is cursed...partly true. Turns out that he was slated with the task of ferrying the dead from this world to the next. He was allowed one day on land for every 10 years he was at sea. Seems harsh, but if the sea is what you love then how can you complain? He gets to sail forever...

So at his 10 year mark, he goes ashore and his girl doesn't show up. This embitters him and Davy starts preying on ships with the Flying Dutchman, and instead of ferrying the dead, he damns them to crew his ship for whatever length of time...thus postponing death.

He is still ferrying the dead though - he just isn't doing it the way that he was assigned. Once he stops using his gift for its intended use his body starts to change. It is at this point that he turns into this squid-like, angry creature.

Note this - Misusing your gift can cause it to crud up.

The same goes for spiritual power and spiritual gifts. How do you think New Age Healers work? Is is all fake or is some of it real? I guarantee its real, at least some of it is. New Age Healers simply shift darkness. They don't know this is what they are doing, but this is what goes on. These are individuals who started out with amazing healing gifts but through heartache or religious abuse they moved along to find an outlet.

Davy Jones was once a normal looking guy, but once he began to misuse his gift his body started to change to reflect the shift. If you've seen STARWARS Episode III, you'll note that Anakin looks a lot different once he decides to misuse his gifts. First it's his eyes...then his face. The darkness is there.

Once a gift is misused, the individual's features will shift as well. The question for the ages is why wouldn't a benevolent Higher Power remove a gift being abused?

A gift, but definition, cannot be revoked...

- Shadraq

Powers

2007-06-09T16:28:00.000-04:00

This is something I've been thinking of for quite a while. Partly due to an inherent male trait, partly to a spiritual exercise, and partly to a post by JoeyJoeJoeJRshabadoo called Worst Super Powers Ever!. It's pretty amazing - if you haven't read it, I have it linked.

At any rate - I have always wanted to be a Superhero. As Jerry Seinfeld says, "When guys grow up reading about Batman, Superman, Spiderman...these are not fantasies, these are options."

I think that if I could have any superpower it would have something to do with FIRE. Either a Human Torch like Johnny Storm, or an ability to manipulate fire like the character PYRO in X-Men. I think I'd rather be like PYRO, only be able to manifest fire, not simply manipulate it.

I have a friend named "K. Penny". No, that's too obvious, let's call him "Kreg P." He was writing a comic based on a few people and had put me in it. I am unsure what my real name was in the comic, but my Hero name was "Zippo". And I had the aforementioned powers. It was sweet! Had it been finished, I would have been able to live out my fantasies page by page.

But perhaps I really do have super powers. Didn't Ezekiel levitate? Didn't Jesus say "You can move mountains" ??? Could it be that powers are available to me and I am just not able to access them yet?

Follow this train of thought - if God is all powerful (and He is), and if He can do anything (and He can), shouldn't super powers be available? What if the comics we read aren't really fantasy at all? What if they are divine stories used to whet our appetites for a Supernatural Power.

So, leave me a wisecrack - what would your superpower be and what would your hero name be?

I read about this dude 2000 years ago who once walked on water...

- Shadraq

Heros

2007-06-06T20:55:00.000-04:00

Have you noticed that no matter how old one gets, when we shoot hoops we still play "last second shot"? Inevitably we miss and (wonder of wonders) we were fouled and get 2 shots from the charity stripe! Sometimes the girl we like is in the stands, falling madly in love with us because of our heroism.

Of course, if we are a tad older and more distinguished we tend to look around before we play this little cherade.

What is it about us that makes us want to be Heros? I know when I was a kid, I watched the Spiderman cartoon on FOX religiously. In fact, when I was 15 and on the phone I would tell them that I had to go do something for my parents, and then really go watch Spiderman. I fantasized of a radioactive spider biting me. I pined to be bitten.

The superpowers I wanted most were to climb walls. I made my mother climb walls, why shouldn't I be able to?

I didn't have a shortage of arch enemies though. A little kid with a big mouth tends to make enemies. I could run fast though, so I escaped the pounding. No older kid wants to be seen chasing a little kid.

***I think that any guy over the age of 40 has had a crush on Jeanie from "I dream of Jeanie."***

As I get older though, I learn more and more that being a superhero isn't about witty comebacks or dealing with the guilt of living a double life. Heck, I have friends that live double lives and the only superpower they have is the power of problem evasion and female juggling.

Right now I get to be "daddy". A huge adventure. I have been gifted with the ability to change poopy dipers with a single gag, and an ingrained ability to drive with my eyes closed from a lack of sleep...My only weakness is an inability to dodge free-flowing, assassin driven pee.

But I long to be his hero. When they ask him that question in 1st Grade, I want him to say "My daddy."

Or maybe I just want to wear my underwear on the outside of my pants.

- Shadraq

A gap in communication

2007-06-05T00:54:00.000-04:00

I love comic books. I'm a geek. I especially love Graphic Novels. These are books with 8-12 comic books put together. This way I don't have to buy every issue and can read the story all the way to its conclusion. Specifically "The Watchmen", perhaps one of the greatest comic books I have ever read. Which brings me to another point...

Have you ever noticed that there is a WIDE communication gap? There are various kinds...sometimes words change meaning. I had a theology teacher who told me that words in the English Language change meanings every 20 years or so. The NIV Bible, for example, translates that John the Baptist was unworthy to "untie Jesus' thong." (LK 3:16) Nowadays, "thong" means something completely different. When that happens, it is time to release an updated version.

Other times it is a change in phrases. Our parents used to "walk to school." Now that phrase means "uphill both ways." "Crack" used to be someone whose jeans were too low and "Coke" was something we drank.

Other times, it's a miscommunication. Like when our wives say "take out the garbage", we think that means, "whenever you're done playing video games."

So my wife and I were at a bookstore, we had just picked up SEINFELD Season 6 and were browsing for some books. I'm looking to pick up a comic book and so I ask the lady in the book section, "Where are your graphic novels?" She knew right where they were and took me to them. Then she asked me, "You mean like Erotica?" I gaze around and find myself in the porno section. Naked people everywhere. Nudies as far as the eye can see.

I tell her, "No, I mean SPIDERMAN." She blushes and takes me to a completely different section - my wife is doubling over laughing, wanting to know just what exactly I am looking for. I try to explain and she's not having any of it and to this day has not let me live it down.

I don't think that's an audience that DC or Marvel has ever tapped into...

- Shadraq

Die Hard

2007-05-31T21:45:00.000-04:00

I bit into a 3-day old sandwich and it made me think of this...

So the night my baby came I was awake EARLY. I'm talking roosters-don't-want-you-to-wake-them early. I can't sleep so I put in my Old Faithful - DIE HARD. It never fails, that movie relaxes me and puts me to sleep as nothing except NyQuil can (I love that stuff).

At any rate, it didn't help but here is something I noticed. When the cop just finished buying Twinkies and gets the call about the Nakatomi Plaza, he walks out and views it from a distance. *PAUSE* If you go to that spot in the movie and look to your right, you will see something that horrified me. I'm talking pigs being slaughtered - Women were weeping, cheap old men were gnashing their teeth. Horrifying stuff...

THE GAS PRICE SIGN IN LOS ANGELES SAYS "$.74"

That's seventy-four cents. In LA. Are you kidding me? In that moment I actually FORGOT for a half second that my kid was coming that day and pointed out the absurdity to my wife.

I remember driving around trying to find prices lower than $.92 because I felt I was being ripped off. Now, whenever I need to fill up, I go donate plasma to cover the difference. Do you realize that to fill up a normal car costs the average person 3-4 hours wages? That means commuters are working 4-5 days a month to afford the priveledge of driving to work.

Hang me.

- Shadraq

Perspective

2007-05-28T15:22:00.000-04:00

***If you define a coward as running and screaming from the first sign of danger and hiding when pain might come, then yes, Mr Brave man, I am a coward.***

Perspective is a funny thing. Take the above picture. This is chalk-art done on a metropolitian sidewalk. The only thing real is the guy and the stairs...Interesting yes?

I find it interesting how often I think I'm right. I used to think that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, even if it is the wrong one. I had a theology professor in college who once told me (and this is the ONLY thing that I remember from college) - he said, "There are two ultimate truths in this life: No one person has 100% correct theology and no two people will ever fully agree." It's interesting how often perspective gets mistaken for truth. Take Obi Wan, when he told Luke that Darth betrayed and murdered Luke's father. Was it a lie? No, old man Kenobi claimed that what he told Luke was "...correct, from a certain point of view." He went on to say that we will all find that the very truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.

The next time you get into an apologetics war in your ivory tower of theology with someone of an opposing viewpoint, remember that wars have been started in the name of religion and theology. Does that mean that every religion is correct? No, but keeping in mind those above truths, shouldn't we be as willing to be persuaded as we are to persuade?

Especially if you're just talking about basic differences. I mean, who cares about pre-trip, post trib, non-existant trib stuff...if you agree on the basics, get over yourself and invite them out for a beer.

***A Perspective - It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man...***

You want to know what drives me nuts? I can't stand people whose religion would allow them to condemn a pregnant, unmarried woman to the depths of darkness, but will allow them to use "pray for this person" as a means of gossip. What's the difference? I would argue that the pregnant girl is better off - at least she is aware of her shortcomings.

Having said that, I'm sure I need to go find a log in my own eye. My perspective just caught up with me.

- Shadraq

Fighting Inevitability

2007-05-25T15:10:00.000-04:00

I have an amazing DVD collection. Ask anyone who has been to my house and they will corroborate this. It has been remarked (on multiple occasions) that this is the finest quality collection they have ever seen. If you were to take all the good movies at Blockbuster (movies that virtually anyone would consider "good") you would find that I own probably half of those. I don't alphabetize. I group according to category, subcategory, and actor. There are rules: when you are done, put it away - don't leave it on the player upside-down, put it back where you found it (and so on).

There was a point where I could tell you if someone had borrowed a movie based on a glance. My friends would actually quiz me and ask "Where is DIGGSTOWN?" I would reply "Second row, right side, directly between THE STING and THE USUAL SUSPECTS." A guy needs a system.

Having established that, there are a few eventualities in this life - Gravity, Seattle Rain, Yankee Pride...most everything else is up in the air. I thought that turning out like my parents was avoidable.

I was wrong...

At one time or another we were all kids and we swore a secret oath to our friends out by the monkey bars that we would NEVER be like our parents. We would always listen to the current music, always be in fashion, and NEVER go to bed before 11. We had it all figured out. We knew where our parents had gone wrong and we would be the first generation in history not to fall victim to life's cruel swing.

I believe Jeff Foxworthy put it best when he said, "...one day your parents are riding along on the fashion train and then decide, 'That's it, I'm not going any further.'" Take that and apply it across the board and that's what my friends and I had believed. We didn't cut ourselves with rusty pop cans to seal the deal or anything, but it was just as solemn.

Now here it is nearly a decade-and-a-half later and I cannot STAND popular music, the last shirt I bought had "Smokey and the Bandit" on it, and if I can get to bed by 930 without embarrassing myself I will. I have compromised on virtually everything I swore to never be.

Growing up, my father was a virtual Nazi when it came to his lawn. Slip-n-slides were out. If he was out of town, we would use it and then rake the lawn back up with a week to spare and he'd still see one blade out of place. It was crazy. As we got older, us kids teased him relentlessly. He took it in good fun, but he was most definitely serious. You'd think it was his firstborn. I wasn't even allowed to mow the lawn! Not that I wanted to but I thought that this was the motivation behind having kids...

One day, while at my parents, my sisters and I were telling some infamous "Stories from the Lawn" when my wife spoke up. She said to me "You are just as anal about your DVDs as your dad is about his lawn." Silence ensues and my jaw dropped...

Touche' my love - when she's right, she's right. I guess becoming like my parents is inevitable. No amount of oaths can save me. I'm doomed...

Sorry, Pops.

- Shadraq

Doors

2007-05-22T23:02:00.000-04:00

********************************
You know the day destroys the night
Night divides the day
Tried to run
Tried to hide
Break on through to the other side
Break on through to the other side
Break on through to the other side, yeah
********************************

One of my all-time favorite bands is THE DOORS. I'm a fan. I love Morrison's music and writing. Whenever anyone thinks of the Doors, all this musical lore and flagrant images spring to mind. One hears rumors and legends, especially surrounding his death - and immediately jump to opinions. His personal demons aside - this is my conclusion on an amazing musical icon.

Morrison did ludicrous amounts of acid. Acid is a hallucinogenic drug - it helps you see stuff. It's my belief that Morrison was a seer. I'm convinced that he saw things - Angels, demons, objects, colors - in the spiritual realm, had no explanation for them, and turned to drugs as an outlet.

As legend goes, Jim was traveling through the Arizona Desert in 1949 - he saw a car wreck involving Native Americans. He claims that he saw the spirit of the dead medicine man float from the body and into his. This is imagery that is depicted in his music over and over.

He was 5...

Can you imagine living with that as one of your first memories? Did it really happen or is it just a legend? If it did happen, which it most likely did, did he make it up or really see it take place? His mother kept saying, "It's all just a dream, Jimmy."

The rest of his life was lived with those images. This, and the song "Break on through (to the other side)" is why I tend to think that he was born with a high level seer gift. If you read the lyrics of the first verse (show above), you'll understand what I mean.

***Go ahead and read, I'll wait..

What is the "Other Side"? We are spiritual beings living in a natural world. That said, it would make sense that the flip side of the natural realm is a spiritual realm. So to "Break on through to the Other Side" simply means accessing the spiritual realm. What would happen if someone really did break through to the Other Side? Would they understand it or seek an outlet?

There are movements full of people with real gifts. A gift, by definition, cannot be taken away - no matter how it is used. Didn't God say in Joel, and again in Acts, "I will pour out my Spirit on ALL flesh." He didn't just say "believers in Jesus" did He? Naw, He said "ALL."

All means all. Everyone.

What happens if someone with a seer gift stumbles into a church, looking for answers and a reason or outlet for this gift? Some would embrace them, as they have Bob Jones. Others might run them out, stating that God would never grant such a gift. Would that person then turn to another source to find an outlet and an explanation for their gift?

Most definitely. They will either seek hallucinogens or an organization that'll help develop their gift - but it won't be used for God. Why wouldn't God simply take away such a gift that is being exploited? It's a gift, that's why.

I've tasted the doorway of the Other Side. You should join me.

- Shadraq

Music behind the Skin

2007-05-18T22:15:00.000-04:00

Have you ever smelled something or heard something that isn't there? Or have you ever felt like someone or thing was in the room with you and you couldn't see it? Or thought you saw an angel or something? I know some seers (people who see stuff that "isn't" there) - colors, objects, beings...and for a time, think they're nuts. Depending on which crowd you run with you are either: spiritually open or crazy (sometimes you get accused of being demonized, but that's by only people who carry picket signs).

I'll give you an example: Have you ever been walking through a room and smelled your grandmother's perfume (or some applicable smell), only she's passed away? Or entered a room and smelled incense and yet there was none burning? Or what about waking from a scary dream and feeling like there was something in the room with you? Or, take that a step further - have you ever been in some intense situation (like a near car wreck) and KNEW that there was someone next to you, but you couldn't see them?

This stuff happens, behind the Skin of this world.

Take those memories and apply it to this - what if we all have music that plays around us? I mean, what if you are about to do something morally inept and the music from JAWS starts playing to warn you that there is trouble in the water and you need a bigger boat? Or if you see the person you are going to marry and suddenly "Dance with you" by LIVE is playing? Wouldn't that be something hugely beneficial to us living life?

What if that actually goes on, behind the Skin - and we aren't listening?

These are the questions that grab hold in my head. I mean, if seers exist (and they do) - and if people can catch scents that there is no rational explanation for (and they do) - then isn't it possible that we do have music playing all around us? Why isn't that possible if the others are?

Perhaps this is why we as humans can feel music in our very souls - or our spirits. Music can sway us, it can take over. Perhaps there is something more to music than mere chord progressions...

For as John Cusak says in HIGH FIDELITY, "Which came first, the music or the misery?...Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable, or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"

So if you find yourself being picketed by folks with large signs, screaming at you that you're hell bound - and happen to hear "God's Gonna Cut You Down" by Johnny Cash, consider for a moment that you just might be sane - the song might really be playing behind the Skin of this world (but I would bail anyways).

- Shadraq

Star Wars and Spirituality

2007-05-15T10:18:00.000-04:00

I am a STAR WARS Nerd in the extreme. I even won Star Wars Trivial Pursuit - and it wasn't even my game! I will get in trouble with the purists for this, but I enjoyed the Special Edition Extended Version of the original 3. I also like the new episodes. "Revenge" was probably the best, and it surely justifies the existence of the previous two, but all in all the six movies make a great story.

Purists are the unsilent minority. It's because of purists that baseball is falling in popularity (but that's another story).

So I was watching this epic saga, and as I was seeing the celebration at the end of Return of the Jedi (extended version), all of a sudden I get an epiphany. Lightening had just struck my brain.

So get this, at the end of it all, when all is over and we are in the Spiritual Utopia, we are to have a great Banquet. Whenever I think of this banquet, I’ve always imagined it as most do – a table unending full of all kinds of food. However, what if it was like Jedi? A bunch of people all over swapping excited, animated stories (e.g. Lando) and patting backs. That is an exciting way to look at it.

In that scene, it struck me that the whole goal was the end of the Empire and the liberation of the Republic. That was the big picture. True also were the plights of Han, Princess Leah, Luke…but those are merely roles within the big picture, the final goal. Some played large roles and some were role players, but the goal could not have happened without each and every one of their told and untold adventures.

I’ve always heard it said that our lives are like a novel, and we are its main character. With each change brings a new and exciting chapter in the book that is our life. I’m not so sure that’s entirely accurate. While it is true that we are on our own adventure, perhaps our lives are more like Star Wars. What if we are merely role players, both great and small, in the epic that is God? Perhaps in this giant story there are Lukes, Hans, and Leahs, but there are also Chewies, R2D2s, and Ewoks. Each has their own duties to perform, great and small, to contribute to the ultimate conclusion of The Ultimate Picture.

That in mind, it’s easier to take my life in stride…

- Shadraq

Inspiration from SPIDERMAN 3

2007-05-13T10:40:00.000-04:00

***DISCLAIMER: THIS BLOG CONTAINS POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE: if you intend to watch SPIDERMAN 3, read this at your own risk. If you don't intend to watch it, read on...

Yesterday my wife suggested that we go see SPIDERMAN 3. Now, I'm a comic geek and she originally didn't want to see this movie. So for her to suggest it was thrilling to say the least. I was way excited! Unlike the previous Spidey's, this movie revolves less around plot and action sequences, and more around our hero's inner struggles.

I'm glad the writers quit using just one villain, it was getting old watching Spidey win against a single opponent. In this movie they bring in Venom and the Sandman. Sandman is the real killer of Uncle Ben. Fortunately, in this movie you don't hear the phrase, "With great power, comes great responsibility." It's a great line, but I don't think I could have handled it again.

Venom is a symbiote from a fallen meteor. He eventually bonds with the geek from "That 70s Show" to become Venom. But the actual substance is a black ooze symbiote that needs a host to attach itself onto. "Symbiote" is a French word - literally meaning "Companion" or "to live together".

The life-form finds its way to Peter's apartment via his scooter pretty early in the movie. But it doesn't even make a move to bond with him UNTIL HE GIVES INTO REVENGE and ANGER. This is his path to the Dark Side. Once P-squared dwells on this stuff, the symbiote latches onto him.

The life-form begins to accent its host's more aggressive traits. He even goes so far as to hit MJ - his love. Ultimately Spidey is able to rid himself of this via forgiveness and a giant monk-like bell.

It's been my experience that if we allow bitterness, revenge, or anger to take root it becomes a cancer that blackens our soul. It makes everything look like it is out to betray us and we end up jaded. We rage and end up lashing out at the people that mean the most to us.

What is revenge if nothing more than a lust for our own twisted sense of justice?

I know bad things happen, horrible things even. But here's the thing - and there is really no getting past it - forgiving and moving on is a choice. There is always a choice.

Trust this - if you allow yourself to be driven by your base emotions, a lust for your own justice, your will end up crusty and jaded. No one can carry that much contempt around for too long without it crushing them from the sheer weight. Life's too short to not forgive...

Ultimately, the longer you hold onto your bitterness, anger, and lust for revenge the harder the separation will be. You will come to an unhealthy, symbiotic relationship with your baggage until you can't remember life without it.

And separation from it will probably kill you...

- Shadraq

Dance

2007-05-12T14:06:00.000-04:00

So my sister was doing a dance at this gathering last night. It was near the house so the three of us went over. Turns out they were going on perform later than expected as there was a worship band on stage. As I'm listening to the music I'm struck with the urge to dance (as frequently happens). But this time my arms literally ache and all I can think of is wanting to worship with my son. Call it "rite of passage" or whatever you wish, but it was amazing.

I gathered him in my arms and started to move. Anyone who has been around me when there is a worship band going knows that I don't do a Charismatic 2-step. Later, my wife said she had remarked to my dad, "He's tossing around my baby!"

But it was amazing. I was in a birthing class before Boaz was born and one of the things we did was "embrace the child within" by coloring. The first requirement was "When you think of your baby, what springs to mind...". I drew (with crayons, mind you) a picture of Boaz with all kinds of colors behind it.

All the women drew pictures of either being big or of the pain that might come. A difference in how the sexes are wired I guess...

I told the group that it's my belief that there are colors and movement associated with worship - and ever since I knew I was going to be a father, there was a craving in me to dance with my son. For me, I first started dancing when I was 23. There was this conference I sporadically attended called "Unconditional Surrender." I went to the back to worship, mostly because the seating was wicked cramped. The next thing I know I'm barefoot and dripping with sweat.

That was an experience that I brought to my wedding. Once we were introduced and "Mr and Mrs..." we handed off the mic to my closest friend and he led a band in some worship. There were people in the aisles moving, my new nephew was going nuts down front. His mother had to step in because he was getting so sweaty that he wanted to take his shirt off.

That was an experience that I wanted to share with my son. When he was still in the womb I knew he was a dancer. I'm so happy that he can grow up thinking that dancing and sweating and being undignified during worship is normal...

David once said to his wife, "I'll be even more undignified than this. And I will look foolish IN MY OWN EYES." That's sort of what I live by.

At any rate, I know it sounds weird but anyone who has ever been to a rave knows what I'm talking about. The spirit of the music takes over - almost like you don't have a choice. It's like this ecstasy that flows through my veins whenever I hear worship music playing and I have to move. Thankfully the urge doesn't come when I'm in my car...but that appears to be the exception.

- Shadraq

The Beginning

2007-05-11T19:48:00.001-04:00

Figured I'd take a crack at this -

I am staggered at the sheer amount of Blogs out there, filled with people's personal thoughts. Not that it's bad, but if you don't want anyone to know who you are in love with, perhaps you shouldn't post it for the entire world to read...

Having said that, here's me:

I have been married to the woman of my dreams for just over 15 monhths. We recently had a new addition to the family - his name is Boaz Patrick. Nothing grows you up faster than having a kid. **For those of you doing quick math, we waited** Moving from being married to being married with a kid is the most life-altering transition I have experienced yet. When I was newly married, I was learing how to exist as me, as well as becoming a Husband - not the easiest feat.

But how do you be a husband AND a father? I'm still new at this, granted, but juggling both takes a good deal of sanity. Not for nothing, but it's hard to spend extravagant time with my wife if my baby is exercising his lungs.

For those of you without kids, keep in mind that a baby can sleep through vacuuming and regular conversations - but if they hears a pillow being laid on they will wake up instantly - lungs blazing.

But having a kid has been a dream of mine since I was eight years old (no kidding). I have waited for this moment for almost 2 decades. This kind of love like nothing I have ever felt. It's different from Married Love. Kid love feels like your heart is reaching out of your chest to touch your child.

Somewhere, Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide" is playing.

In MATRIX REVOLUTIONS, Neo is told that love is "...a word. What is important is the connection that exists between the word and the feeling it implies". Establishing that, what is love? Let me quash an ideal right now - Love is public and open. Any claim to be "in love" or to "love someone" without regular demonstration and expression is not love. It's something different - something less.

I do not want my son to grow up assuming that I love him. He will hear it from my lips daily - and see it in the way I act. Expressing love is not a selfish gesture, nor is it simply a statement. It is a state of being, backed up by action.

People who claim to love - but demonstrate to the contrary - are abusing the word, and altering its meaning. So to those of you who have suffered injustice in the name of love, I urge you to surround yourself with people who understand what the word means, and who won't use it as an excuse or a come-on line.

So, love is a word. What matters is the feeling that the word implies.

- Shadraq